Don’t gross me out

Oh my baby boy, when did you get so gross? As Zach is growing in front of my eyes into a real live boy I am starting to realize I was totally right in 1st grade – boys really are gross. While this turn of events does not diminish my love for Zachary, it does diminish my desire to eat with him.

Zach now switches between eating so fast he bites his fingers (no joke) to wanting to be done eating so he scrapes his half eaten food out of his mouth. Re-pulsive. How I am supposed to be OK with either of these situations??? When I told Alex about the finger biting incident he fell over laughing and said he had done the exact same thing and apparently Grandpa Vince once drew blood trying to eat a hamburger. You can imagine my blank stare in return. That is not helpful news to me.
As for the gross spitting out the food, unacceptable. I mean seriously, how am I supposed to stomach my pancakes when half eaten eggs are falling out of a mouth next to me. My stomach is already a wee bit sensitive and this is NOT helping matters.
Then there is the issue of the mouth noise making. Zach has started blowing air out of his closed mouth which means spitting and a gross sort of fart noise. Again, unacceptable. As with the spitting out the food I just say no calmly and move on with my life. At this stage (so the books tell me) to draw attention to the bad behaviors just give him cause to do it more. You know what else causes him to do it more? His father doing the mouth noise right back at him. And laughing. Repeatedly.
Apparently I have two toddlers and they are both grossing me out right now.

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