Jack will be the death of me

Why did I start this whole Elf on the Shelf business? You know why.


Everyone makes it look so cute. All the ideas! Have him swing from the chandelier! Make elf doughnuts (OK I am doing that)! Write notes to your kids! There children are just thrilled that this odd hand and feet-less thing are lurking around their house. Not mine.

First of all, please meet Jack, our diverse Elf. He is the brown eyed elf with dark skin. I am the affirmative action of elves people. I wanted a brown eyed elf to match my boys and my only option was the dark skin. This is obviously a racist 1950 elf as calling his skin dark is really being a tad extreme. At the most he is the color of Auntie Tami. But either way, we white, white Walls need a little color in our lives.

So the first night he arrives we read the book and Zach is excited. We talk about not touching him. But then he falls over and nudge him with my hand. Zach yells “His magic mommy!” at which point I try to say that only Mommy’s and Daddy’s can touch him. But the damage is done. By the afternoon Jack is riding a firetruck and James is eating his face.


But I persist. Jack rides on the back of an elephant, he writes Merry Christmas on this formerly blank plastic cups, he hangs on the school bag wanting to go to school.

And the questions start: Zach asks how he gets to Santa, why his mouth does not open, why his hat doesn’t come off, do his hands come unstuck when he is with Santa and many, many, maaaaaannnnny more questions. I sense that he wants to believe, but is just a tad wary.

This should make me sad, my baby not believing, but honestly it is just a relief. When the night comes that I forget to move Jack he is not going to be surprised and I am OK with that. He still believes in Santa, the Easter Bunny and the reindeer so if he doesn’t believe this weirdo flies in and out of our house at night we are calling it good.

But those elf doughnuts are going to be freaking adorable!

2 thoughts on “Jack will be the death of me

  1. When clueless Daddy touched the elf and Richard panicked, I pretty much lost my shiz on Daddy. But I told Richard that I'd email Santa for advice on what to do. Then I found some confetti snowflakes in the Christmas decoration box and said they were magic snowflakes from Santa that bring Jethro's magic back. Richard bought it.

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