Well hellooooo my seven followers!! How I have missed you! I have SO much to tell you…Well, actually I don’t have that much to tell you. Most of the things I have wanted to blog about this past year have been super mundane. I really wanted to start back with an entire post about wet meat and how I don’t like it. But then I totally forgot the context of that post and was concerned people would be put off by a title of “Wet Meat = No”. PS Wet meat is just meat in sauce, aka sloppy joes, pulled pork in sauces, crock pot stuff. No.
Anywho, it feels good to be back! Instead of trying to recap what has happened for the past year, I am just going to push on like nothing has happened; like the good WASP I am. And really, not much has happened. We have two kids, they go to school, Alex goes to work, I try to take over stuff. Just the usual.
What really got me back was our spring break. My Aunt-in-law (totally a thing) Sally, happened to comment on Spring Break 2015 which reminded me that it had been a year since I blogged – and I missed it. So here goes…
You guys, Spring Break 2016 was good. Like actually relaxing and productive. Before you think I have changed and I am now cherishing all this time with my children, I should admit – I was down one child. Zach stayed in Canyon Lake with my parents until Friday. They lured him in with the promise of shooting the BB gun they got him and all the chocolate ice cream he could eat. They did not disappoint.
When my mom was listing the things they were going to do during the week, she mentioned they would go to the library, hang out with Jenny and Harry, oh and go to a pub crawl for St. Patrick’s day. Sure. I did not think she was serious.
I really should know better. Around four on St. Patrick’s day, I started getting texts from my parents and Jenny, with photos of my child. In a bar.
PS That lady is not Jenny. That is a stranger my baby is playing against after she put her quarters down on the table and called “next”. She smoked him.
As a side note, I tried to get Alex to meet James and I at an Irish bar that serves pizza and was told he didn’t think it was a good idea because James could not “get in”. Like he is 20 and will have to have large X’s on his hands. He could get in; he is four, we are in charge (for better or worse). But whatever.
I didn’t really think much of Zach’s pub crawling until Wednesday of the next week. I go into his class to pick him up and his teacher says, “Well, Zach sure had an eventful spring break!” She then proceeds to tell me how she asked each student to tell the highlight of their spring break and Zach stood up and said, “I went on a pub crawl with my grandparents.” To the entire class of 1st graders. His teacher was a tad taken aback and asked if maybe there was anything else he would like to highlight? Nope. Just the pub crawl. Some children asked what it was to “crawl a pub” and Zach explained it was when you “go to a bunch of bars all in one day”. Ever the one for complete facts, that guy.
Not that it ends there, no, he then drew a picture of the pub crawl, complete with him at the pin ball machine and my parents sitting on a picnic table nearby. Oh and wrote three lines of text about it:
“Over spring break I went on a pub crawl in New Braufels with my grandparents. We went to four bars. We had to leave one because it smelled.”
Oh. My. Lord. Guys, I about died then and there. Luckily, Zach’s teacher really likes him. She thinks he is super funny so she just rolled with this and said it would give her a lot of material with her friends. I also told her to direct any calls she might receive from parents my direction. And I had a lot of fun texting my parents out it.
Yes, he also got a shirt from the pub crawl. Totally, totally normal.
Not to be outdone, James and I went to the Buffalo Wildlife Zoo in the middle of nowhere and almost were mauled by an ostrich. Also totally a thing. The zoo is a sanctuary of sorts for exotic animals from all over the world. We saw zebras, wildebeests, ostriches, camels (one hump and two), crocodiles, giraffes and, what seemed like 52 types of deer. I get it, they are deer, calm down. You pay your fee and drive into the range where some of these animals are just wandering about. Then you get on an open air tram, pulled by Jeeps that look like they are from the Vietnam war and drive through all the other large enclosures to see all the animals and more deer.
And yes, that is a 65 lb longhorn horn about two feet from James’s face.
Just after we passed the longhorn (and were told to keep all hands and faces inside the tram because said longhorn was dangerous) the teenager in the seat across from James and I mentioned that her seat was getting really hot. Oh, that is because the tire was ON FIRE. So we quickly come to stop in the middle of the open range. The driver, Jackie, gets out to check on it and about that time an ostrich starts making a beeline for the tram. Jackie shrieks and jumps back into the cab of the jeep instructing everyone else to remain calm and to NOT FEED this ostrich. Apparently this was a rather aggressive male ostrich. And we were stranded in his stomping grounds.
He circled the tram a few times then sauntered off. Jackie has those of us sitting in the back of the Jeep move into the tram, quickly and again, don’t make eye contact with the ostrich. At this point, two more trams drive around us and everyone just stares. In the open, with a dangerous longhorn and an aggressive ostrich. Finally two people roll up in a golf cart and proceed to lure the ostrich into a pen so we can all be transferred to a new jeep/tram situation. The “lady” tells us that the male ostrich does NOT like her; that he always tries to kick her. I’m sorry, what?? So she hops out of the golf cart, the ostrich sees her and he starts running towards her. She lets him get close then hops into the cart and speeds into the enclosure. Where she hops out again to close the door, leaving the driver in the pen with the ostrich who then begins chasing the ostrich with the golf cart.
I am not making any of this up. I wish I was.
We finally get transferred back in to a new, functioning tram/Jeep and off we go. James thought this was the best day of his life. He loved every second of it and wanted to stay to pet the deer that were wandering around. I wished I was handed a drink when we got off the tram.
You will note, that is not me helping him pet the baby deer. I am not an animal person and basically had to take deep breathes to keep my anxiety in check the entire time we were there. Luckily this redheaded animal lover was sweet enough to help James. She was already sitting next to the deer anyway. (Why? I am SO confused about people’s choices.)
STOP PETTING THE DEER AND LET’S GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!
We got home and my always a Wall was raring to do something else. NO. We were basically almost mauled and I am exhausted. He appeased me for 30 minutes of rest by reading the #WallSummer2014 book filled with photos of he and I.
No one loves me like James.